Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Don't call me soccer mom
I'm taking a course through my work & such as we do in this touchy-feely line of employment, we did a "getting to know you" icebreaker with the other participants. We paired up & chatted & then we had to introduce each other to the class. (barfy right?)
This woman said her name is Julie & she has two kids, is divorced, one from first marriage, the other from second. We exchange the usual motherly business of names & ages etc... & then i ask her to tell me about herself, like what does she like to do, etc, etc?
"Well...I like to take care of my kids."
Ok, so do have any, like, hobbies?
"No, just whatever my kids like."
So... do you like to travel?
"No, i just drive my kids around."
(At this point, i'm getting nervous cuz it's going to look like i didn't give a shit & didn't listen to anything she had to say because all I can say is she has two kids?!!!)
Do you play any sports?
"No, I just watch my kids play their sports."
I really wish I had chosen the somewhat smelly guy to my left.
WHO WERE YOU BEFORE YOU HAD CHILDREN?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What has happened to these women? What were they like as teenagers? Just like a tabula rasa waiting for their womb to be fruitful?
I'm not hip, I'm not cool. But i am me, which means retaining most of who i was before kids. (sans sleeping, oh how i miss you)
Disclaimer: I deeply love my children. They are wonderful little people, interesting, loving, kind, funny as hell. I love teaching them stuff & hanging with them. And guess where i learn stuff? From other people. From the stuff I do when I'm not with them. From reading, movies, work, friends, family, courses, etc..... I like to be different, because i am different. I don't like to fit in, because i don't fit in with one group only & maybe no group entirely.
Hey, i'm sure i'll screw my kids up as much as the next person. I feel the guilt that goes with not being the parent or the wife, or the sister, or the daughter) i want to be every day. But sometimes i sit back & think about what my mom wanted for me as a child and i want that for my kids. I don't want them to see being a parent as the total sublimation of their own dreams in life. I want them to see they can have it all. They can be a mother AND a person.
As an aside, I really hate the word canoodle.
Posted by Eve Grey at 4/22/2008