Sunday, June 22, 2008

And you run and you run to catch up with the sun



I am feeling very melancholy this Sunday night. This is my children's last week of the school year. Last Friday was the last kindergarten trip I helped supervise for my happy Twin A's class. Tomorrow morning will be the last day I volunteer in my sweet Twin B's kindergarten classroom. Tomorrow afternoon with be the last school day afternoon the three of us get to hang out. Thursday will be my beautiful girl's last day as a primary student.
I've always been obsessed with lasts. It used to drive my dad nuts when I tried to persuade him to let me go out.
"But Dad, this is the LAST Friday night before school ends".
"But Dad, I have to go out with him tonight because it's his LAST night before he goes on vacation with his family."
"But Dad, it's the second LAST Saturday of summer break."
"But Dad, it's the LAST night I'll be in Grade 10."


It worked. He understands the importance of lasts too.
There is a last time for everything. It hurts to know it at the time but at least you can say goodbye to it.


I don't write about my children that much because my words cannot do justice to how I feel about them. Some people can beautifully and eloquently express their thoughts on paper. I cannot. I do not have the words to match the feelings and I do not have the discipline to mold the thought. I am very sentimental yet sentimentality makes me uncomfortable.

I think about the passage of time and the sweet moments I have with my family and I am overwhelmed with emotions that I feel I would trivialize were I to try to express them verbally. Every beautiful moment I have I am so aware of it's teeny little space in time. I have the memory of an elephant and the poignancy of a moment stays with me for a very long time.

I am going to try to write a little something in the coming weeks about each of my children. Just a little something I can give to them later.


Now I'm going to watch There Will be Blood. Should be a great pick-me-upper.





10 comments:

Jill said...

Your sentiments here about your children and your childhood were VERY sweet... and very emotional.

Enjoy this last week....

What did you think of the movie? I don't know if I'd consider it a pick-me-upper...

LceeL said...

You photos express some of the melancholy you're feeling. Nice work. And as far as how you feel for your kids - it's how we all feel for our kids (well, most of us, anyway), and we are all equally inarticulate when it comes to expressing the feelings that live inside us for those young people to whom we have given life.

Just part of being a child, grown up to be the parent of a child, trying to figure out how it all happened in the first place.

Beth said...

Your photos are awesome, wow! I don't talk too much about my children either, though they are often the subject of things about me.

I'm all about 'firsts'. The first day of school, first time having a bottle, first time laughing...

daisy said...

I understand intimately the feeling that words can not do justice to your emotions regarding your children. However, you do a very good job at getting your feelings across in a poignant manner. Even if they don't reflect the absolute depths you feel, the idea of those depths comes through loud and clear.

Eve Grey said...

Thanks Jill, I was joking about TWBB being a pick-me-upper! Daniel DD was a mazing like veryone said. The movie? meh, not so much. Some interesting symbolism & allegories though.

Lou, I know we all love our kids like crazy. Some people are trly amazing with their ability to express this in words.

Thanks Beth. I love firsts too especially big milestones like printing their name or riding a bike.

Beth said...

what fantastic ass photos!!!! WOW

ConverseMomma said...

You have it all wrong. You are a poet, both visually, and in the simple beauty of posts like this. There was something very literary about the way you expressed your obsession with firsts. In fact, I think it's posts that don't aspire to be literary, that end up being the most genius. Thanks for sharing.

Eve Grey said...

Thanks very much Daisy. Nice of you to say.

Big praise coming from you Beth. (:

Wow, thanks Conversemomma for the thoughtful comment.

The Mom said...

You are an amazing photographer!

Eve Grey said...

Much thanks!