Sunday, June 15, 2008

I was once like you are now, and I know that its not easy

~It doesn't matter who my father was; it matters who I remember he was.

I know I am lucky to have good dad, a great dad. One who listened to me, occasionally bragged about me, and insisted on picking me up at midnight wherever I was. One who still loved me even as a crazed and sometimes hateful teenager. One who worked hard and still found time to do my homework with me. One who loved my mom and who still loves my mom.

This is in spite of having a father who was never there for him. One who left when my father was a baby. My dad never spoke ill of his father, never was bitter at all. He had a grandfather and uncle who stepped in and loved him greatly, giving him all the role model he ever needed. It really was his father's loss to not know my dad and what a great person he was, is and will continue to be.

This is really the first generation of fathers who are not the sole wage earners and are able to actively participate in raising their chldren. I think as women we're pretty hard on our partners sometimes. We expect equal distribution of tasks and chores. Ultimately, this is what it should be. But most of these guys weren't taught this growing up and they didn't have this example either.

I see my father-in-law and how happy it makes him to spend time with his grand-children. Time he did not have, or did not make, for his own children.
I am thankful to see them with their Opa making things in the workshop, and planting in the garden. He was not a present dad or husband in his younger years. He is an amazing grandpa. He realizes what he missed and is making up for lost time.

My children are also lucky to have a dad who is crazy about them.
He wrestles with them, builds snowmen, takes bike rides, reads them stories. He was unsure about being a dad until the moment she was born. Everything changed for him that day. He suffered with me when a miscarriage came next and was worried from the moment he found out I was pregnant with twins. I am lucky. They are lucky.

I know not everyone had a dad who was there for them, who was loving towards them, or who was there at all. Today I am thankful for the dads in my life.







12 comments:

neutron said...

This is a very sensitive topic for many and in particular, for me. I love my father. I learned a lot in his presence but arguably more in his absence.

Momo Fali said...

I'm sure you are equally thankful for you!

morton said...

Great post. Thank you.

daisy said...

Nice photos, that last one in particular. This world can use as many good dads as it can get.

Manager Mom said...

What a nice tribute to your dad and your man. And that last photo...so filled with closeness, peace and anticipation...totally cool.

Laski said...

What a perfect tribute!

Your hubby sounds a lot like mine. He was so uncertain. It was odd to see this confident guy so unsure of himself. But, the minute J "popped" out, the entire universe shifted for him. It was an amazing thing to see . .

Hope Father's Day was wonderful for all those men in your life :)

Jill said...

What wonderful memories and moments your making for your kids. Dads are truly the best... I can't wait to see mine next week!

Love the photos - especially the last one where your daughter is standing with her hips out to the side. So telling...

Dino$ said...

nice photos

Huckdoll said...

Oh my gosh, that was beautiful! Last picture there is a framer for sure.

Bee said...

I recently happened upon your blog and am really enjoying it.

Razzbuffnik said...

You're lucky you are surrounded by people who had or have good role models.

My father was a wife bashing biker and small time criminal who died in a motorcycle crash when I was three.

My mother has always told me that it was a good thing that he died and that I never met him.

Strangely enough it doesn't bother me that I never knew him but it does help me realise what a great guy my father-in-law is.

I guess a little contrast is a good thing. Without evil there would be no good.

Binky said...

I love this. I love dad. And you´re damn right about his own dad´s lose in not knowing him.