Sunday, June 1, 2008

I was a troubled soul I had a worried mind Drifting from place to place I was the restless kind

Watched Dan In Real Life on Friday & went to see the Sex & the City movie with 3 girlfriends today. Cried at both. As I've mentioned on here before, i am a crier. I cry at beauty & pain, for beautiful moments that were & those that never happened. Neither of these movies possessed any of these. I have been feeling very hopelessly romantic in a high school kinda way lately.

I've also been of discontent with my life always lately.

I've always been a realist about love but...I don't know. I feel like, well, like something is missing. I know the romance fades & life happens & time makes people comfortable & you tend to take each other granted. But does it have to be that way? Reading other people's blogs, especially the mom blogs, half the time you'd think the rest of the married world is riding unicorns through fields of daisies with the wind blowing through their hair whilst holding hands, they're all so fantastically in love. Two of the girls i went with (we've all been friends since high school) are going through divorces. One hates her husband & she's with someone else so it makes it a bit easier (although the process is HELL, make & protect your own money ladies), the other is second guessing everything & feeling romantic about it & missing him. The third just got married for the first time last year, no kids. They're great.

Friend #2 called me after she got home. She's confused. She always wanted the romance, the fairy tale. one part in SATC (& please forgive me for referencing that movie), SJP is reading a fairy tale to a little girl & when they come to the happily ever after ending she cautions her that it doesn't always work out this way. As a girl who's generation grew up on Disney fairy tales, I avoided reading these to my girl & when I did I told her the same thing. There is no such thing as living happily ever after. Not all day every day anyway. I KNOW, I'm fun mom huh?!

There is really no point to this. Other than that, i thought the dreamy high school days were over but they've come back to visit in the mid-30's. I hope they don't stay long. I don't have time for this. And I'm afraid of the outcome.

Disclaimer: Please do not interpret above comments as any sort of endorsement for either of the aforementioned movies. (Although both made me laugh & cry).


neutron said...

Romance is easy, fun and superficial ... it never lasts. But that's it's purpose - it's a medium to something greater, true love. True love is hard, requires work and is very deep ... it lasts forever.

How does one make the transition (i.e. from romance to real)? Unite on a goal (i.e. family, afterlife, money ... whatever). Most people do this subconciously (birds of a feather) but it really helps to speak about it and bring it out in the open - for those dark days when we begin to forget.

I know, kinda wordy ... hopefully not too boring.

Tammie Lee said...

Wonderful photo! I am so far away from the ocean! But we have lakes.

Isn't it amazing how events circle through, over and over again, as in high school and mid thirties!

You asked about my poppy lens. I actually used a pocket camera, Pentax Optio. These days I am using a Nikor 105 macro lens.

Thanks for visiting and asking.

daisy said...

I swear by the Paper Bag Princess by Robert Munsch and my therapist. The giddy 'in love' phase doesn't return, but you have a fifty fifty chance for deep satisfaction once you know yourself well enough. Trick is getting a partner who knows themselves well enough too. This is my assessment at the ten year mark. I'm sure I'll have a whole different take at twenty. That cycle thing...

I think most moms blogging don't blog about the really personal stuff. Everyone has issues, and maybe especially if they're on a unicorn. What if that sucker tosses it's head while you're trying to feed it a lump of sugar?

brooks said...

Screw the unicorns. Not literally. The four years of my marriage have gone, respectively: good, to bad, to worse, to great. I finally grew up to the idea of "working" on a relationship, something which seemed like "forced spontaneity" to me. I pictured the movie love just happening to me. Nope, needed work. It's just actions and words, every day. Words are necessary, but the actions do all the talking.

The problem with movies is love. We write such unbelievable love montages, with brilliant musical soundtracks and eternal optimism. It's the kind of love we all get to experience for the first 3-9 months of a relationship.

Real love is complex, difficult, demanding and destructive. And yet it's still everything. Not sure if I'm made a coherent point in this...crying for beauty is great. Crying over genuine depression is not.

Eve Grey said...

Hi Neutron, thanks for that. Seriously. You're wise beyond your years.

Hi Tammie Lee, wow, whatc a great shot for a point & shoot. Thanks for the info. Much appreciated.

Hi Daisy, Imma have to search for that book now. Can't remember it. My boys love RM but all the gross stories!

Hi Brooks, you're right about all of that. So, so right. You guys are all so thoughtful about this. I tell myself & others the same things. It's just that you lose perspective when you're in it you know?

Momo Fali said...

I'm kind of a Mom blogger, I'm married and I am very much in love, but sometimes that unicorn I'm riding on likes to stick his horn up my rear end. It's not puppies and rainbows all the time...that's for sure.

Beth said...

first of all...what a beautiful picture at the end! wow...wish I was there right now.

and I, too, feel the same way. Why does it HAVE to be that way?? I have been feeling "not so in love" with my husband lately....and wanting ..."something" but don't know what. Romance maybe? passion? fire? FUN? instead I am bored out of my freakin mind!!!!

let's hope it passes for both of us!

Sogeshirtsguy said...

Yeah sometimes cupid shoots you with loves arrow and it hits you in the heart so love is there but it hurts sometime. They need to write some realistic tales for kids. Like the princess and the prince live happily ever after till gas prices rise and force them to walk everywhere. They budget their money and are secretly angry at one another but eventually the economy gets better and their love is renewed.

ConverseMomma said...

Last summer, I almost got divorced. Two kids came really quick. I hated my body, I was depressed, I was angry, I fantisized daily about cheating. He bought porn and hide it, was frustrated I never had time, there was no sex, he resented me and the children. It wasn't easy. We stuck it out. We made it work. I think married couples fall in and out of love in cycles during their marriage. The secret it to hold out for in the lean times because it gets sweeter again, and again.
Just wanted you to know, you weren't alone. No unicorns for this mommy blogger.

ConverseMomma said...

Sorry that last line made no sense. I meant to say, hold on to each other during the lean times because things eventually get sweeter again.

Laski said...

First off . . . "i am a crier. I cry at beauty & pain, for beautiful moments that were & those that never happened."

I like to blame it on the hormones. That's my excuse for everything. I'm with everyone else. No unicorns. No rainbows. Nope. We are wiped out, irritated, frustrated more than not. Yet, we continue to plug along--the good days keep you going and remind you who you are.

We must be close to the same age . . . I know exactly what you are talking about when you mention the "dreamy high school days."

Eve Grey said...

You guys, thanks so much for all your comments & wiseness. Is that a word? (; You guys are awesome, really.

LceeL said...

Annie and I have been married for 31 years (on June 25th). We both love each other more now than we did then. Is it the same kind of passionate, throw-me-on-the-bed-and-ravage-me love we started out with? The oh-I-can't-stand-to-be-away-from-you kind of love? No. It isn't. Nobody keeps that going. This is the grown up, "I love you because I KNOW you" kind of love. The "I trust you with my life" kind of love. The "I know I can trust you because you've passed all the tests" kind of love. The "WE'VE passed all the tests" kind of love. That's what it all becomes - if you're lucky. And I, no WE, have been very, very, lucky.

With all of that said, I wish you luck.