Monday, September 22, 2008

While barred clouds bloom the soft-dying day, And touch the stubble plains with rosy hue

I've realized lately that as a species we take a long time to make changes. The more we say something out loud, the more it starts to fit into our mind-set. We are rather lemming-like in our motivation to take similar action after someone else in the social circle has done so. Peer pressure does not go away in high school. Not that it's always a bad thing. It could be looked at as motivation I suppose. Separation and divorce appear de rigueur with my set right now. Ok, well, maybe "de rigueur" is over-stating it as I just chrome googled it and it means "necessary according to etiquette". I don't think my friends are necessarily splitting their assets asunder just to follow suit and be polite. Nevertheless (love that word), it appears contagious.
The couples who make you cringe long before their I do's are spoken are the ones whose chronic coupledom endures to make us tense at every dinner party. The other non-fighting lovey doves throw a curve seemingly out of the blue to announce their splitdom.

One of my sweetest, kindest friends has just been told by his wife that it is over. They haven't told their three kids, ages 2-6 yet. Sex and money. Too much, not enough,or someone else's.
I always get so so sad when my friends split. It feels like a bucket of water thrown over my head. Why do I worry so over other people's lives? I try to figure out the truths but I wonder if there are any. The end of an era, the loss of friendship from one half, the renewed self-questioning. First marriages, first pregnancies, babies, divorce, death, we've got it all right now. Welcome to my mid-thirties?

Hey, Happy Fall Equinox!


Bee said...

How do you keep a marriage together? Don't get divorced! After 19 years with my husband, that's the only truth I can come up with. There was a time several years ago when we might 'easily' have divorced (quotations b/c divorce is hard). He'd done something horrible, I was devastated and divorce seemed the only possible way out of the mess. Eventually he fixed it, I forgave him mostly, and we're happily together still. Life is often boring. There's always someone who has more money. Odds are, most of us are going to meet someone else who rocks our world. But to weather it and find yourself with someone whose company you really enjoy is a marvel. Having said that, we have no children and we allow each other a great deal of personal freedom - with rules - which perhaps makes things 'easier'. And it could all fall apart tomorrow. Welcome to my early 50's!

LceeL said...

When SWMBO and I got married it was with the understanding - I had been through one divorce and the word was never going to be in our vovcabulary. 31 years later and we're still at it. The rules have changed over time. As attitudes and appetites have changed we've made room for them in 'us'. We love and respect each other. And we forgot the word a long, long time ago.

Sogeshirtsguy said...

That is always sad when good friends decide to part ways but yes I'm afraid its just another one of those things in life that everyone has to deal with. Still sucks though.

vinny said...

The troubles really never end, it seems..

Quin Browne said...

sometimes the divorce is forced on you.

the thing to always remember is kids first. that is also the first thing they forget... the battling parents.

there lies the heartache.