So live your life

We were off to a bit of a rough start last night. Girl child threw a devil fit after three houses because her brothers couldn't keep up. Sheesh. My mom offered to go ahead with her and I was all over that. Then Twin B (Ben) fell whilst running full tilt in a too long sheet because the eye holes had migrated to around his neck. After picking up candy and drying tears and blowing nose, I insisted he come home to change. Refusal. So the night was spent with him asking me after every house if anyone had put candy in his bag. Because.he.couldn't.see.it!!! I held his sheet like a train while he stumbled blindly over bushes and shrubs. He did see enough to compliment homeowners on any decorations he found way cool. Such a nice kid.
We had their little three-year old cousin with us who announced what kind of candy she got after each house. Then crazy hyper pants their other 3 year old cousin met up with us. He would unwrap each piece of candy on the porch or lawn and eat it right there. Let's just say his mom (my sister) and I have very different, um, views on discipline. He is Philip the Hyper Hypo. It was a warm and beautiful night with more trick-or-treaters than usual. The boys kept saying, "THIS IS OUR BEST HALLOWEEN EVER!!!"
What an awesome weekend so far. We went for lunch with my parents-in-law, sister-in-law and niece. Then Jack and I drove in the country to take photos. Daisy is sleeping over at her cousins. I just put the boys to bed at 10 (getting them adjusted to daylight savings right away due to my overwhelming sleep-in desire) and ran out to the store where I saw a cool decorated house we missed. I came home and got them in their coats and we drove over to see it. They LOVED the adventure of going out late, in the dark, just the three of us.
This was after a looong post-bed discussion again about death and dying and spirits and souls. Ben told me never wants to die and never wants me to die. These conversations are soo hard. I try to be vague but he thinks about it a lot. I think because his grandma has cancer and he's heard us talk. I can hardly bear to think of it. Just the thought of anyone I love dying horrifies me, it's hard to talk about without crying. I said all the proper things, circle of life and all that and managed not to tear up.
I'm a pretty philosophical person at my best. I have a healthy view of death, intelectually and theoretically anyway. Everything has it's time. BUT just the thought that they'll be grown up one day and I'll be old, and then dead, and then they'll be old... It's really too much to bear thinking about. Sorry, it's nights like this when my heart is literally bursting with love that are the hardest when they're over.

I absolutely LOVE that the clocks go back one hour tonight!!!! Small things.


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Trial costume changes days before: